It's not his last Christmas!

“Happy to see you happy.”


That’s what he told me.

And honestly, it was obvious
his happiness showed from the outside.

And yeah,
I was happy to see him and his wife again.

One more time.

Hopefully not the last.


I met him and his family at Christmas,
With the family I did Workaway with.

They’ve been best friends for almost twenty years
traveling together,
sharing life,
doing so many things side by side.


It was the first Christmas I had ever celebrated.

I spent it with two amazing families
who somehow became my family in Germany.


He hasn’t been feeling well for the last few years.

Over time, he’s been getting worse.

After Christmas, I wasn’t sure
If he still remembered me!
You know, the age thing,
And we had only met once.


So I texted him to let him know
I was in the area,
hoping for a reply
but not a call.


He called me instead.

With a warmth I had never felt before.

Beautiful words,
real excitement.


That call alone
made my whole journey to the south.

I was happy he called.


Happy he remembered me.

Happy he gave me the chance
to see him again

maybe in his last days.


That thought is powerful.

When we arrived,
I couldn’t wait any longer
to see his family.

They welcomed me with open arms
and so much love.

Warm tea.
A sunny day.
Homemade cheesecake.
Vegetarian food.

And so many small wonders
story after story.


None of us could stop talking.

There wasn’t even one minute of silence
because there was always more to share,
more to tell.


And then I realized
that this year has been harder on him.

That at any moment,
I might hear news I’m not ready for.

Still, he gave me love.
He gave me time
something so valuable.


And living that moment
was incredibly emotional
and powerful for me.


I want to see him
one more time.
Two more times.
Three more times.

I want to spend more time
with my lovely people.


We never know
when our last moments will come.

So make the most of them
memorable. 💜

To all the versions I once was;

I HAVE NO ENERGY LEFT

“I HAVE NO ENERGY LEFT” I said that after doing my best. I have no fight left in me for those who have no dignity, for those who are different in a good or bad way, just different. The ones who don’t align with my values. The ones who choose themselves over others, Who listens to one side and refuse to hear the other. Who thinks twice before giving, who think twice before loving, who think twice about sharing their food not only that, but carry such heavy moods they make you question your own goodness, as if it’s not enough, or not as worthy as theirs. Those who see the world differently who decides who is right and who is wrong, who deserves land more than another, Who deserves a visa? a paper, or even a mother. To the politicians’ anger. To women-haters. I had no energy left in me. To those who cannot dream. To those who do not dare. To live life I wish to spare myself. To the greedy. To the needy. To the ones who do not dare to dream, yet still dare to scream!
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Take wisdom from the mouths of crazy people

"It’s not about being right; it's about observing people." -Vailcan people- It was the first thing this drunk man said. It was kind of interesting. He came closer and kept talking. The first thought that came to my mind was: “Take wisdom from the mouths of crazy people.” Somehow, it was true until it wasn’t. He talked a lot, mostly about his personal journey and life, which was of no interest to me at all, But I let him speak. Until he suddenly raised his voice at me and said: “Why the fucking Muslim prays in the street in front of the cathedral and not in the fucking mosque?” He said it angrily. I kept listening. I kept observing. It took me years of my life to learn how to stay calm in such moments when it comes to almost any topic. I don’t react easily. I don’t get angry, especially in the last few years, After burnout taught me silence. I listened to the voice in my head, looked into his eyes, and wondered: What do I see there? Racism? Fear? Ignorance? All of it? I wo...
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To all the versions I once were;

 To all the versions I once was; To the saddest of me, the one who suffered a lot, experienced many emotions for the first time The first time, I couldn’t handle a rejection The first time I was sad about living The first time I experienced loss and death When my grandma passed away, I went to the kitchen to bake a cake, and my mom hit me and told me I was disrespectful! But I was 11 back then, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. No one taught me because no one could. To the first fear, when I first lost my mom at the shops, no one was holding my hand I was scared to death, to feel left behind, to feel the fear in every inch That fear comes with madness, and a lot of crying, you look around like crazy But my 4-year-old me didn’t know better Didn’t know how to come up with ideas beyond imagination, and then I was terrified. To the happy one, once. When I was elected in a competition, and my grandpa cried with happiness He gave me my first phone. And I remember the first time when...
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